The delicate art of the ‘Humblebrag’

The word ‘Humblebrag’ was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2014 at the same time as those essential additions to our vocabulary ‘SideBoob’ and ‘Bingewatch’. While it may not in quite so common usage in our Love Island obsessed world, it’s thankfully the most relevant to the sport of Triathlon. In fact, I don’t think there’s any situation in the world where humblebragging is quite so easy, and well rewarded.

HumbleBrag, Noun: ‘an ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement whose actual purpose is to draw attention to something of which one is proud.’

Oxford Dictionaries

I remember at my first triathlon, seeing the calf tattoo. A capital M with a dot on top, looking like the top half of a person, colours fading from Navy Blue to Dark Red. Even as a total novice, I knew what that meant – the person so tattooed was a superhuman. Someone who had pounded like a machine over water, wheels and fleet feet for anything up to seventeen hours, unbeaten, unbreakable, unstoppable. He didn’t have to brag, he didn’t have to tell anyone that he was an ironman.

That little flash of colour was doing it for him.

But then when you think about it, he WAS bragging. Every single person who sees his calf, if they have ever cared enough to understand what a triathlon involves will understand the meaning of that tattoo. He just didn’t have to bore everyone else while finding out who would be impressed.

I’m no longer quite so awestruck at a m-dot tattoo – let’s face it, they are everywhere. I do still feel intensely jealous when I see one, and that may have influenced the previous sentence. I don’t think I want one, but I’ll let you know if that changes when I’ve finished an Ironman.

Since then, I’ve noticed much more subtle brags. A tattoo (same place) of the Marvel comics ‘Ironman’. I stared at that one for a good few minutes admiring the artwork before it clicked. A tattoo of a square with the letters ‘Fe’ and the number 26 in it (the periodic table symbol for iron), and so many other variations on the theme.

You can brag quite happily without permanently branding yourself. A while back one of my closest friends did a half-ironman distance event and was absolutely fuming when he realised there was no event merchandise. I didn’t really get it at the time, but how are you supposed to let everyone know you’ve done a half-iron without a hoody to wear? Tell them all, even the people you don’t know in the pub? To be fair, I know people who would. I’d try and find a way myself.

Its a silent, but very loud boast telling those in the know what you can do. Even if you’re not Ironman yourself, you’re almost certainly done it too.

Getting it perfectly right is intensely delicate however. For example, turning up to an event wearing the technical t shirt for last years event will be noticed by anyone nervously about to race for the first time; but the racer who is wearing the shirt from ten years back garners (and probably deserves) unstated respect from just about everyone.

If I’ve got a swim I’m nervous about, its remarkable how often the gold coloured swim cap I was given as one of 60 ‘Six Mile‘ competitors in the Serpentine swim winds up on my head. With over 6000 ‘normal’ swimmers who were there fully aware of what the hat meant I’m going to be gutted when I inevitably tear it.

I did manage to mess up my Long Course hat which would have been an ideal replacement – having carefully studied the diagram I managed to put the number tattoos on upside down. I swore, painstakingly reassessed then managed to do exactly the same on the other side. I’ve never worn it since, as it loudly announces I can swim a fair way but am a complete numbnuts.

On long ride, the Ride100 jersey comes out to play, when a middle distance triathlon is up, the Long Course Weekend kit goes on. Even my young son ‘casually’ leaves the race stickers on his bike helmet until they are completely disintegrating, desperately hoping someone will ask him about them.

A branded item from an iconic event or something far away also works spectacularly well. If you’re UK based don’t expect your London Marathon shirt to get much credit, because as impressive an achievement as that is (and Oh My God it is), everyone knows there’s forty thousand other people out on that course every year. A Berlin or NY marathon shirt will get much more attention. I love wearing my Alcatraz technical top on longer events, even though it looks ghastly on me, because I can guarantee I’ll have two or three chats with people about it on the way round.

There is, however a reason why it’s an art. You really don’t want to make the brag so big you make yourself a target. Just wearing a tri club trisuit makes you stand out for anyone just behind you. For a long time I resisted wearing one because I didn’t want to let the club down.

As triathletes, we of course all know that run branded merchandise isn’t as impressive as a tri item, and a sprint tri shirt while more impressive than a half marathon run shirt isn’t as cool as a half iron one. The maths on this get complicated, but we can back it up if required. Of course, for most of us the ultimate brag is the national team trisuits.

So if I’m close to the finish of an event and I can see someone in front in a GBR suit struggling, that’s all the incentive anyone would ever need. I may not have the suit, but taking someone out wearing one is worth a mention down the pub, isn’t it???