The Novice Triathlete is Dead
I’ve made no bones about the fact I’m never going to win a triathlon. I’ll never wear a GBR suit and I’ll almost certainly never win any kind of trophy.
I still love doing Triathlons, but the novice triathlete is dead..
For me, triathlon is deeply personal. It’s about surpassing your own expectations (mostly). I don’t care about anybody else (much). I’m not that competitive, so I’m not really bothered that I’m always last out of the more athletic subset of my friends (OK, even I’m not really buying that last one). I’ve been happy to be there making up the numbers, doing my own thing in my own head.
This, though, is the critical point. I’ve found myself surrounding myself with sporty, natural, even elite athletes who are winning trophies. Although my triathlon career so far has mostly involved me just trying to survive ever more difficult physical challenges, it’s sometimes mentally tough to block out the success of others and just be pleased with not being last, or not being in the bottom 10%, or not being in the bottom third. This has always been my strength – I don’t quit; I wont quit. I finished a half iron last year despite being unable to run from the start just because I couldn’t imagine just stopping after the swim and the bike.
But something strange is happening slowly. A refusal to give up isn’t my only defining characteristic any longer. As I start to build on a couple of years of training and competition my swim times (always my best discipline) are continuing to fall. On group rides or racing, I no longer stop like I’ve been shot as soon as the road turns upwards and while you can’t ignore physics completely (I’m still a big lad) I’ve been surprising a few people at the top of hills recently, and surprising myself as I discover I still have unused gears on some of those tougher ascents. Most importantly my run continues to improve up to the point where I’m sort of neatly slotting myself in towards the middle of the run pack.
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts his or her accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved.
I’m a member of a fantastic triathlon club, full of inspirational athletes representing GBR at ever distance and age group. They have collectively never been anything but incredibly supportive of every athlete in the team, no matter how young or old, how new or experienced, how fast or unfit. I knew it was only my problem, but deep down I’ve always struggled to understand why they took me seriously. I didn’t want to compete in the club colours as I didn’t want to let them down.I’ve been offering advice to new club members based on what I have learned – it’s my nature and I always want to help, but it was difficult as I know there are people out there who know more about triathloning than I ever will. I’m pretty sure that’s what Imposter syndrome is all about.
This weekend we had the club championships and with nearly half of the club competing I was surrounded by these incredible competitors who I respect and admire. For the first time I was racing in the club trisuit I’d bought two years ago and couldn’t bring myself to wear.
You know what? It went fantastically.
Aside from just basically enjoying the race, I was towards the top of the club times for the swim, almost the same for the bike despite a bizarre snogging and chain off incident at the mount line. Its not as bad as it sounds; as I ran out of T1 a random lady ran across in front of me and snogged a marshal (I assume she wasn’t random to him) and I was so distracted trying to dodge them I ran past the mount line, then lost my chain. Amazingly, I was even in the mix with friends I regard as much better runners for the last discipline. I didn’t humiliate myself at any of the four disciplines (transition being the fourth); I felt strong enough and fast enough to justify every stroke. every pedal, every stride I took.
Even though my swim time put me in with relatively strong triathletes I overtook as many cyclists on the ride as went past me; I picked off a few runners on the course and despite the stacked odds, no one from the club went past me at all (except for George, 20m from the end of the run. Thanks for ruining my point George.). I looked around and knew I’d competed properly, not just made up the numbers. For the first time I really felt like I belonged in that Triathlon. I realised I was as much a threat to anyone competing as they were to me.
Its hard to explain, but it was only in that moment I realised I was the only one who had ever cared about how slow I was up hills or on the run. No one else has ever cared what I look like in the club trisuit. Any advice I may offer to anyone else in the club should have value because I’ve bloody well earned it. It was like the sun coming up in the triathlon specific part of the brain.
Discussing it with Barney, one thing that he asked is ‘how many triathlons do you need to complete before you stop being a novice’? His follow on was to ask how many I’d done. I’ve just had a quick count and I’ve done 35 – he’s done a lot less, but because we’ve shared our learnings closely, I think we’re about the same in terms of capability. Barney thinks it’s bonkers that with everything I’ve learned (and tried to share) I still think of myself as a novice.
He told me ‘In my eyes you stopped being a novice triathlete last season.
Blenheim proved that. You might still have a lot to learn for half/full ironman and beyond, but you already have a lot to pass on’. Everything he says is true, but until this weekend it wasn’t true for me; and I know there’s a lot of people out there who feel the same.
So if I’m actually, factually, qualitatively a good triathlete, does that mean the Novice Triathlete is dead? Maybe. From now on, in my head at least I’m an Intermediate Triathlete. I think I need to be if I want to keep improving. Lets see how that works out.
I do still need to put some substantial work into my finish line face for photos though. I’d just overtaken that bloke, but it looks the other way around. From here on in I reckon I need to consider that the fifth discipline; I need to find a specialist to learn from!